REPLAY: Transforming Self-care with Elena Lipson

In this enlightening episode, we dive into the essential topic of self-care and challenge the misconceptions surrounding the so-called "selfish" act of prioritizing your physical and mental health. This discussion aims to shift perspectives and encourage listeners to place their well-being at the forefront of their lives.

Elena Lipson is the visionary founder of the Divine Self-Care Circle Membership and the voice behind the top-rated Meditations & Musings Podcast. As a celebrated retreat leader, speaker, writer, Self-Care Coach, and podcaster, Elena has dedicated her career to empowering busy women. She invites her audience to explore her unique approach to success, which values Pleasure, Play, Ease, Grace, and Trusting Your Own Pace over traditional metrics.

With a passion for inspiring women to exchange hustle for a life filled with joy, Elena offers invaluable insights into becoming the #1 asset in your life, business, and the bedroom. Through her speaking engagements, writings, retreats, and online programs, she advocates for a lifestyle that embraces slowing down and cherishing each moment.

Having experienced life in Russia, NYC, and California, Elena now relishes the tranquility of living amidst the green trees and fresh air, embodying the very essence of the self-care principles she teaches. Join us as Elena shares her wisdom on redefining self-care and how to genuinely nurture yourself in a world that often demands the opposite.

Connect with Elena Lipson: http://www.elenalipson.com/
The Divine Self-Care Circle: https://elenalipson.mykajabi.com/p/divineselfcarecircle

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DISCLAIMER:
*This podcast and its contents are for informational purposes only and are not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your physician or a qualified health provider for any questions concerning a medical condition or health objectives. Additionally, the advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for every individual and are not guaranteed for business or personal success. Use discretion and seek professional counsel when necessary.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:15

Hey everybody, thank you so much for joining us today. I have a very special guest with us today. Her name is Elena Lipson. She is a divine self-care mentor, a speaker, a transformational coach and a retreat leader. She is also the creator of the Divine Self-Care Circle and so much more. So, elena, thank you so much for joining me today. I'm happy to have you here. Thank you for having me. It's so fun. Yeah, so can you tell me a little bit about what compelled you to become a self-care coach? Like, how did that start? Walk me through that process, yeah.

Speaker 2: 0:50

I think I've seen it long enough now that I can kind of see it by decades. So I think for me you know I'm not going to go back to my childhood and do a whole thing but I think in general I was just a person who was very much about making other people feel comfortable, about being a happy, go lucky child. Like my sister had some health issues. I just became like this I'm just going to make everyone happy and I'm just going to be entertaining and funny and I'm going to do well in school and everything kind of is going to be wonderful around me. It's going to be fine, everything's great, and that's sort of how I grew up. So my teens when I think about my teens, I think about being someone who was there for all my friends, being the one who gave advice, didn't really make waves, I just was happy-go-lucky kind of thing. Right, Did have bouts of depression and I did have my own inner stuff happening, but it was very hard for me to share that externally and I didn't really understand that it was a problem. It just sort of was how I was. I think a lot of us sort of just take it in and take it really in and sort of suppress it, leave it there.

Speaker 2: 2:00

Then in my twenties I literally did the plan. I actually wasn't born in the US, I was born in Russia, so we were like an immigrant family and the plan was you work really hard all the time, you get good grades, you go to college, you get a job, you get married, you have kids. That was the plan and I adjusted it along the way. I wanted to work in a really nice high rise in the city. I grew up in New York and I could see how I wanted to live in the modern office and I had my little visions. But after I graduated university my plans sort of shifted and my sister had moved to California and so I followed. I wanted the sunshine. I was done with the snowstorms and I went there and I literally continued doing the same thing there. I was the one who said yes to all requests on my time. I was that person. Why does that matter? It matters because when I was following the plan that was sort of laid out for me by the world and conditioning and society, I said yes to everything. I loved working. I actually really loved working.

Speaker 2: 3:06

I was in the corporate world for my 20s. I started out as a salon manager, just as a side job, but they made me manager. Then I moved into the corporate life of being in sales and technology and then I eventually got into curriculum development and teaching because it was just really good in front of the room and I was good at inspiring people. I was good at teaching things. I always excelled. I always was fast-tracked through whatever job I got. I started as one thing, but three months later they were flying me out to teach other people how I was teaching. I'm really good at it. I was also really good at not getting enough rest. I was really good at not asking for what I needed. I just sort of said yes to all the things.

Speaker 2: 3:45

Yeah, yeah, including starting a side hustle, because I had about when I was about 24, the company I had worked for was hiring like a consulting team to come in and train the managers which I was at the time and these two women came in with this amazing presentation about communication and I forgot what was that? Like some assessment that I learned at the time, and I forgot what was that? Some assessment that I learned at the time and I'm like I love what they're doing. What is that? How come they're so? They look like they're coming into our company probably making a lot of money, and then they get to go home or go back to their business. It felt like it had that freedom that I was looking for that you really don't find in the corporate world. There's not a lot of freedom there. I had great teams and great managers, but just not a lot of freedom, right? So I actually hired one of the coaches to be my coach and I started doing assessments and coaching and I thought I want to do what she's doing and so, as a side hustle, I went and got my coaching certification and started coaching.

Speaker 2: 4:41

So essentially, this is like the bulk of of my twenties was at least once or twice a week, waking up really early, going to a networking meeting, coaching at lunch, reading at lunch and then taking clients in the evening Like I'm just always busy. So many layers all the time. And I think your twenties are kind of like the time to do that, because you do have energy. I didn't have kids and I wasn't married yet and like, yeah, it just is that time to do it. But it's also a time you're laying foundations for your life, of how your rhythms are, your pace is like what's important to you. Somehow along the way, I did meet my husband. We did get married. I did have my son husband. We did get married and we did have my son.

Speaker 2: 5:26

Um, I don't know how I found time for that, but I did um, and along the time, in my late 30s, I started developing this kind of like a quarterly flu, I would call it, and I didn't know what it was. I thought it was totally normal and it was literally like I'd be up, running, running, running and then poof, like I'd be down for a few days like in bed, seriously, and and just so you know, like just for reference point, this is like 20 years ago. So there was no interest, there was no automated funnels, it was no like it. Just you couldn't leverage your time, you just were your time. I built my own website because I could right, I knew how to do it, so I did HTML. Because I could right, I knew how to do it, so I did HTML. Not Kajabi, not push button. I had to literally type the code. I made business cards. I would go to meetings. That's how you got clients was your physical presence. It was not about like I'm just going to press live record and then go have a bagel. It just wasn't like that. So that's why I love online business so much, because it's really like self-care is my life but also my business strategy.

Speaker 2: 6:30

So when I had my son, we decided I actually was going to leave corporate world. I actually gave up my coaching business that time because I just didn't know how I could do it all. I really had that idea. I'm like I just don't know, like today that happened. Today I'd be like, well, of course, I would just create an automatic, automated funnel and hire an assistant and like they would run it for me. But I just I couldn't understand how I would be able to get into my cute little suit, go to the meetings and come home and like nurse my baby. Like I just couldn't see it, yeah yeah. And my coach at the time did not have kids and was not married, and so I couldn't quite like she couldn't relate to what I was saying in a way, and I couldn't hear what she was telling me, that there was another way.

Speaker 2: 7:12

So, fast forward, I had my son, we moved to Washington state, which is where we live now. So, away from family, I decided to start my first online business, which was an organic baby store, just because I thought it was my at the time and I knew how to build it. And I built it all out and I did everything myself, and while having a baby in one arm. So still sort of hustle like, even though I wasn't working at a corporation anymore, I was still home, hustling Right, right and again, this is still no interest. No Pinterest, no Instagram, no Facebook, like I was still doing. I was creating postcards and sending them out. That's amazing, though I know I can't believe how easy it is now to run a business, and I kept that pace up for a while.

Speaker 2: 7:54

But then, when my son turned about two, what I discovered was what had been happening to my body, where I was feeling like I had the flu and I just was so tired all the time and, of course, you could explain it easily when you're a new mom I ended up feeling like something's wrong with me. So I finally, after a year, I went to get CAT scans and MRIs, all these different things, and nobody could really find anything, which is very typical of an autoimmune disease. And you start to think you're actually crazy, because no one's seeing anything in your body. Right, that is wrong, but something is wrong. So it was a very interesting time.

Speaker 2: 8:35

But then finally, somehow I found my way to this naturopath who did this one specific blood work on me and she's like oh, you have Epstein-Barr, you have like this classic Epstein-Barr. So, which basically means that under any amount of stress, my body starts to have a sore throat, maybe a fever, you feel run down, so you feel like it's the flu, right, or you're cold or something. And I was like, oh my God, that's what was happening to me for years. So all this time I was running myself down, eating the wrong foods, not getting enough sleep, probably not drinking enough water, drinking too much coffee, not eating the way my body wanted to eat, like not resting enough, not doing the inner work to understand why I was always so accommodating to everybody.

Speaker 2: 9:22

So that was a real wake up call and for the first time in my life, I decided with my husband I hadn't made money since I was 12 years old. I was babysitting and working forever. I'd never not made money and I thought I need to just take a break and stop giving to anyone. I just need six months. So we came up with. Six months I sold my business, sold everything, sold my like inventory.

Speaker 2: 9:48

I was just like now what? And I just like I was just I was sobbing, like I just didn't know who I was, what I was like. It really was a weird moment because on the outside, here I was. We have a beautiful home, we live in this nature place like the forest, my son is, you know, healthy and lovely and my husband is loving and supportive and I have friends. But on the inside I just didn't know who the hell I was anymore.

Speaker 2: 10:13

I think a lot of women have that in their thirties and forties, absolutely Every different phases of their life. But for me it was like my world, it was my time, yeah, yeah, but for me it was like my world, it was my time. What's going on here? And so I somehow, divinely guided, found my way to this yoga teacher training. I started doing the classes and for the first few weeks of doing the classes I would find myself just crying in yoga. Why am I crying? I'm not a crier. What has happened to me there? But I just realized I had so much pent up emotion from my parents' divorce. My dad had died, I moved away from my sister and my niece and nephew. So much had happened that I never processed and it was all coming out so much and it just makes me still emotional and really compassionate for who I was, because so many women don't give themselves a space to really feel.

Speaker 1: 11:04

Oh, my gosh yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:06

I started feeling, I started really understanding what was happening. And then I took this training where, like, I think there was 22 of us, we were sitting in a circle and self-care like this term, came up and I was like what is that? Like, I know what it is. It's like baths and manicures I do that, my nails are always done but there's so much more right, just the glam external stuff, right, that just has nothing to do with the inside. Like it really, it's great, it's wonderful, it's beautiful, it's affirming, but it's not that inner, spiritual, emotional, mental work we need to do Absolutely. I started doing it and I started having these really honest conversations with my husband and thank God I married him, this particular person, because he just does not take it personally anything. He and he was like, you know, he, he had just read this book I think also was divine intervention called radical honesty by Brad Blanton and he's like come on, what are you angry about? And I'm like I don't know what you mean. Look around, life is good. He's like come on, according to this book, everyone has something they're angry about, especially women. I'm like well, okay, I guess I am mad that we moved here and left California. And he's like well, you don't look mad. I'm like I don't know how to look angry Like.

Speaker 2: 12:26

I had this realization and I started looking back at my life like how many times I actually felt angry and acted angry, versus felt angry and acted sarcastic or acted fine. And I just started noticing these patterns and how much I built up over time and it really created this new journey. Oh my God, okay. And it still took me a while to be able to express anger in the moment, literally to the point where I was getting a massage. I was actually hosting a retreat in Tulum and this guy who was like the shaman massage guy, was massaging me. He's like, oh, you have a lot of anger in your legs. And I'm like I know, I do, I do totally. How do I express it? He's like, okay, I'm going to tell you how to express your anger. I'm like I'm listening, I'm listening.

Speaker 2: 13:19

He's like say I'm angry. I'm like, oh, genius, it was just like oh, that's how you teach your two-year-old to say they're angry, right, but no one, I don't think I, I don't think a lot of us were raised in that. I agree, we're honored with our emotions. And like, oh, honey, I see you're really frustrated. Tell me about that. Like no, especially in where I was raised in, like in Russia, and like no one had time for that, like we were in survival mode. No one was stopping to ask me what I thought about, anything Right? So that's why I started writing really early, because I knew I needed like a diary, but that wasn't quite enough to process it, you know.

Speaker 2: 13:57

So anyway, so from that whole experience and understanding what was happening, and I thought, okay, I'm ready to get back to work and I think I want to go back to coaching, because I love coaching and sort of this whole world opened up, because I knew that I didn't want to do what I did then, which was fill up my calendar with coaching clients. I'm like that was exhausting. I don't want to go back to back. But I saw a different opportunity. I saw like, oh my gosh, there's this thing called online courses and I can make this thing, and it just like everything expanded and I just got so excited about the possibilities and I learned what a landing page was and how you can now build a website by pressing a button that like someone oh, by the way, I could hire someone to do it too, too. So that's how my journey restarted with coaching, and that was 14 years ago. 14 years ago oh my gosh, yeah.

Speaker 2: 14:54

And when I first started I thought it was going to be a combination of intuition, self-care and natural beauty. I was really into non-toxic products because of my online organic store and how I knew what it did and we lost dear family friends to ovarian cancer and how like it's so connected to just you know products in our environment and in our beauty products. I'm really passionate about that and I did that for a few years. I was like writing as the eco diva. That was my mission I really wanted. I thought that's what I would do, but eventually I thought I think it's just part of what I do. It's not what I do. If anyone asks me what I use, I have really good recommendations. But I really started getting passionate about helping women, especially in that middle, getting to that middle life stage, which I hate the word midlife and I still don't know a better word for it but just around that there's an evolution, there's a cycle that women go through Absolutely, and it starts with the question of like, wait a minute, who am I now Like? How?

Speaker 1: 15:49

did I get here?

Speaker 2: 15:50

You know there's that song like who is this wife, where is this house? Like how did I get here? And I think we all have that moment and the tempting thing that a lot of women do and I've done it is look back and start to say I should have, would have, could have, and why didn't I do that? And you start to blame yourself. Yeah, yeah, I get it and I still am tempted to do that once in a while. But it's so disempowering and I think, if we can start to, that's why I love a lot of the coaching that I do and a lot of the podcast episodes I record. It's a lot about the subconscious stuff, the self-care on the inside. That's why it's like inner self-care is where I live. It really is, because you notice your thoughts about the past and you can create a new meaning around that, like okay, so I spent a decade saying yes to other people. I learned so much from that. I'm writing a whole book about it now. I wouldn't have been able to have that tactile experience of self-betrayal so many times to be able to write about it if I didn't have that experience. So I don't think anything is wasted. I trust the universe divinely. I know it's really hard to do that in certain political times.

Speaker 2: 17:02

I know it's really really, really hard to do that when things are not good and a lot of things are not good right now in the world but in our own evolution and our own empowerment and our own choice to say like, okay, I can do nothing or I can do something. We have to have our inner processes. So that's how I got there. I started coaching. I, you know, I started, I created, created. My first course was kick-ass self-care strategies for entrepreneurs and I sold and I was like, oh my gosh, I could do this. This is so great. And from there I just started creating other courses and now I have been running this divine self-care circle. We're in our sixth year and I love doing it. I've been writing my podcast for three years now.

Speaker 2: 17:47

So, like, I love talking about self-care and it just gets deeper and I'm very, very interested in the inner landscape of inner storytellers and the ways we show up that aren't real or true and how we can start getting to know ourselves through inner self-care. And I have lots of frameworks around it and like pillars and ways you can get there. But it's just. You know, I'm really passionate about teaching women, specifically women, because it's my experience. I have coached men before. It's a different experience. I prefer coaching women who, like there's a shared language. Yeah, yeah, my choice. I've actually had questions like how come you don't talk to men? I'm like how come McDonald's sells burgers and not sushi? I don't know, it's my choice, my business.

Speaker 1: 18:34

With you saying that you telling your story. I really, really relate to your story. I've had kind of a similar experience. I was working in the corporate world, started to have really severe health issues, went to the hospital to try to figure out what was wrong with me. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Long story short, I ended up quitting my job and got substantially better and I started to really taking care of myself. But it took a year of tears and self-discovery and being really honest with myself to figure out who I really was and who I really wanted to be and what direction I wanted to head in. So I really I love your story because I think there are so many women going through something like that that either don't have somebody to talk to about it or don't even know where to start.

Speaker 2: 19:20

So I love it, yeah, and totally. And there's so many women now that I've seen like six years of our circle. I can see the patterns now and I can see that. I call it coming home to you and home is the acronym and women come in and they discover self-care and then they come into the circle. They're either having health issues, overwhelm motherhood or entrepreneurship or some combination of those things, and so many of them have autoimmune issues. I can't even tell you.

Speaker 1: 19:47

Yeah, that was actually one of my questions was with you, primarily working with busy moms. What are the things that they struggle with the most and how do you help them overcome that? What do you suggest they do?

Speaker 2: 19:59

Yeah, I think I have so many tools. It's very tempting to overwhelm you with like do this, this, this and this? The way I started was nice and slowly, like I just had to have, first of all, awareness of what was working, what wasn't working. If you ask yourself the question of what do I want, how do I want to feel, and then you're sitting there with a blank page and like don't even really know where to start, I think that's a good sense that you haven't spent a lot of time with yourself. Yeah, so one of the first things I do, like you come into the circle, and one of the first things I do is like start here. And the start here is this magic morning practice that I've been teaching and practicing for over a decade now, and I actually share it as a free gift, so I'm happy to share it. I think it is what I'm sharing with your audience, because it became so powerful. I thought this needs to be the starting point with someone who wants to come into my world. Like, yes, I teach it at a much deeper level in the circle, but I want you to have like an experience of it, and I know, like I don't know. I've seen both. I've seen morning routines get a really bad rap and I've seen morning routines be like the thing that everyone has to do and I think it's somewhere in between. I think when it's taught as a dogma and like a really specific way and you have to wake up at a specific hour like a lot of men teach it this way, there's nothing wrong with it. But if you have to wake up at five in the morning and do a three-hour practice, I don't think so Give me a break Like that's, because your wife is in the other room taking care of the baby, so that's not happening.

Speaker 2: 21:29

I started the practice when my son was just a toddler and sometimes he'd wake up at six in the morning, sometimes he'd wake up at nine, so I didn't have a specific time. I just knew that I had to make it work with my family and not away from my family. Number one. Number two is because I wanted to teach my son that his mom gets to take care of himself. I did not want to repeat the generational pattern of me watching my mom take care of everyone else, come home from a 12-hour workday in her business stuff, in her work clothes, cooking dinner. I did not want to repeat that pattern. So I knew I couldn't do it away from him. So what I did was I would have like a little basket of toys and change it up every day. So sometimes my practice was five minutes, sometimes it was an hour, like I didn't know Right. So what I say, and I have lots of women in the circle who have kids, who are of all ages or more now they're all like aging with me. So the ones who started that had little ones are now having older ones and they're like, oh my gosh, my kid's sleeping in now and I could do more. So I see that happening now. And my son is 14 and he woke up at 11 today, so I just had the whole luxurious morning. So that's where I have people start is.

Speaker 2: 22:45

I truly believe the way you set your brain up, your emotional inner state in the morning, is going to be the way you show up to your day. That's how I say the way you start your day is the way you show up to the world period. It doesn't matter if it's three minutes of sitting quietly and just holding your heart. I teach it as a three-step process and it's very simple and I give you loads of ideas of how to do it, but the reason I think it's so important is because you create it's very simple and I give you loads of ideas of how to do it. But the way the reason I think it's so important is because you create it's like you're setting your energetic set point for the day and you like just notice, like I just treat it like an experiment.

Speaker 2: 23:23

Everyone has, everyone already has some morning practice. It's just you haven't codified it in a bubble. Like I wake up, I brush my teeth, I have breakfast, like you already do something every day. But I'm just saying adding on these layers. It doesn't even have to be anything additional, it could just be how you're doing the things you're already doing. So instead of scrolling through your phone while you're eating breakfast, maybe you're writing in a journal while you're eating breakfast. Instead of scrolling through your phone while you're brushing your teeth, you close your eyes and breathe right, like it really could be just doing what you're already doing, but differently, with intention. Because when you start there, what happens? And this just happens in our brains? When you wake up in the morning, your prefrontal cortex hasn't quite woken up yet and it's still your lizard brain that's waking up and saying you're so overwhelmed that you have so much to do and how are you going to get it all done? And you shouldn't even do that. That's too hard. That's just how our brain is wired. It's just how we are right now. Like a protective mechanism, it's protecting you from doing anything new that could be risky. But we have to understand that. That's natural.

Speaker 2: 24:30

I call it clearing the cobwebs and I taught my son to do it, though he's totally forgotten now, but hopefully someday to see this planted. It's back there, it's in there. But by doing the things like writing with your hand, there's a connection. There's like an actual and energetic connection to your heart and your head. So you're writing and you're releasing. You're releasing and I'm actually I started this practice with, um the morning pages from Julia Cameron, which is like a really beautiful practice. Yeah, she's still teaching it, by the way, which is kind of cool, but I do want to update her website. It's not that good, but the practice is amazing.

Speaker 2: 25:04

Um, so you do that and then you move your body and I call it igniting your inner pilot light, because you wake up and you're just like you're still from sleep. Your dreams are affecting you. You might be worried about the day, maybe you're not super organized yet, but as soon as you start moving your body in a way like for me it's mostly dancing or some kind of yoga or something, putting on music there's a point where actually I could feel it. It just heats up from the inside and all of a sudden I have this new sense of possibility and hope. And it happens daily. Sometimes I need it more and sometimes I need it less, but I always need it Especially.

Speaker 2: 25:41

A little side note here in normal situations, our nervous system is being pressured by our worries and our stresses. Under normal circumstances, we are not. Under normal circumstances, we have so many potential dangers lurking right now. Right, you have to understand that now is even more important to spend time with yourself and have this daily clearing and energetic grounding. Because I'm telling you, even if you're not scrolling or watching the news, which most people are at some point because you want to know, you need to know. It's actually really aggravating and shredding our nervous system more than ever, especially us women who have to be caregivers, who are natural caregivers to other people. There's so many unknowns.

Speaker 2: 26:34

This morning I was like what's going to happen for high school, my son's starting high school, are they going to open? I'm already having future worry, and I'm still today, in July, because of just how it is. So I just want you to know to me it feels like self-care has to go here and deeper during these times, you know. And that doesn't say it doesn't mean you have to wake up at five. In fact, I stopped waking up early when quarantine started because my nervous system, like I, could just feel that waking up early wasn't going to work. I just could feel it and so I just let myself sleep in. I still naturally wake up pretty early, but I knew I couldn't wake up to an alarm and that's been a gift that I gave myself during this time I've actually done the same thing.

Speaker 1: 27:18

I normally wake up fairly early, but since quarantine and as things have progressed, I have let myself sleep in later than I normally do, and I think part of that is just our bodies need the rest later than I normally do, and I think part of that is just our bodies need the rest we're we're mentally and physically exhausted from all the anxiety and going on. So yeah, I totally agree. Do you have any guilt around it? I did at first. I think the more I thought about it though, the more I processed it, the less guilt I had. So yeah, I think you know it's a matter of self-care, it's, you know, it's putting my, my health and wellbeing above you know a couple, an extra 30 minutes to an hour in the day, kind of thing.

Speaker 2: 27:58

So yeah, totally, I get that and I, I still actually have a little bit of like that, but the morning hours are your most productive hours and how come you're not getting to your desk until 10, 30 or 11? Like I just have this, you know, still it's still in there, like it just doesn't go away. We just have to understand that. For me at least, it's part of the process to say you are safe, you're a well, it's okay, you're going to be, you know.

Speaker 1: 28:21

I think part of that bouncing off of you know you don't get as much done, kind of thing that has been the bigger challenge for me and reassessing what priorities are right now, you know my priorities are staying healthy. My priority is taking care of my daughter and keeping her healthy and keeping my family healthy, you know, and keeping my, my business afloat is definitely still priority, but I can reorganize those tasks so that they fit into a different timeline if that makes sense, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 28:51

Yeah, cause, really, it's our own timeline that we create in the first place, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 28:55

Yeah, yeah. So you talk a lot about the feminine metrics. Can you explain what are the feminine metrics and why do we need to be paying attention to them?

Speaker 2: 29:04

Well, I think it's really important to define success on your own terms, your way. It's one of my biggest messages out there Like if you're following somebody else's path to success. It's like taking someone else's vision board and then living your life based on it, right, like I don't want that. When did I want that? I don't want to live in a mountain, I hate mountains, I want to live by the water, so it's kind of like that. So for me, the metrics that I started measuring my success in was pleasure, play, ease, grace and a slower pace. Sometimes I say trusting my pace, but I actually do like a slower pace. And then there's a little addition of profit because success for me is still financial too. I think that's a big part and I include it on purpose because and I should update my bio because I don't think it's in there, but it's when I teach it it's in there because sometimes we separate money from that. But in order to have the pleasure and the play the way I want it, like I want to go to beautiful places and I want to be generous with my friends and family and myself and that, yes, yes, of course, the most important things are free. Yes, of course the most important things are free, and I think we need to really be careful at how the scripts around money and women have been given to us From the very basic of not having value for our homemaking and caregiving and raising kids.

Speaker 2: 30:28

Also getting the messages of you can't really have it all. What the hell does that even mean? Like, who defines what all is? Yeah, so for me I know when I go through it and even just like journal through it, how much pleasure on a scale of one to 10, am I experiencing a lot? I feel like I haven't made like orgasms a priority lately, or I have. I really have Right. Or like play, how playful do I feel? Am I laughing a lot? Am I being too serious? Am I feeling like I haven't sat down with my kid and played cards in a year? Those are really important things to me, but I want you to define it for yourself. So what does pleasure mean for you? Play for you, ease for you, grace for you? I have my own definition, so I don't tell you what they are. You get to decide.

Speaker 2: 31:12

So I think, if we and of course, profit, because I am running a business, I have expenses and I make money and I want to have a beautiful life that takes money, so yeah. So I think the feminine metrics and I call them feminine metrics because I think when you look at metrics of success in general, if you just Google it, you're going to find a lot of spreadsheets and a lot of numbers and a lot of clicks per earning, which are great. Those are awesome and I don't think we should get rid of them. But it can't be the only thing. If you're running a business that's successful and making a lot of money but you are burned out, you haven't seen your friends and family in forever and you're like arguing with your partner and you're just bitter. I'm not saying that that's the only opposite available option at all. I'm not saying like either ease and grace and beauty or like you're hustling. I'm just saying find your path to it.

Speaker 2: 32:10

How much money you want to make money? How it? How much money you want to make money? How much money? How do you want to make the money Right?

Speaker 2: 32:14

Does it feel really good to make money, like when I have this one group that I coach called the aligned from the inside coaching group, and you can see like a light go off in moments because I encourage them in the group to, and all my clients to, to really take time and don't do anything that doesn't feel like like, oh my God, I'm so excited. Like, if you come, if you come to your Facebook live or your email with that energy, I'm telling you people are going to buy that shit, right? If you're coming at it like oh my God, I really hope they buy, I need a hundred dollars this weekend. Like, no one is going to buy that. It's very desperate energy, just like dating, right? So so I think, go ahead. No, go go ahead.

Speaker 2: 33:02

No, I'm just going to say I think it's really important to like, with everything, define it for yourself, choose it for yourself, and part of the feminine metrics is to get you to a place where you agree with yourself and that your business can feel really good and playful. And, oh my gosh, this doesn't even feel like like when I'm on retreat, hosting a retreat with partners or myself or whatever, I'm like this is my work. Yeah, oh my God, and it's so much fun. It almost feels like you're cheating to me because I have to rewrite so much of that corporate script. So that's what the nonprofits do.

Speaker 1: 33:40

I had the exact same feeling. So when I left the corporate world to start my business, I originally started doing websites and graphic design kind of stuff because I had a lot of experience in that. And I got several years down the road and I decided I hated it. I was like this is not me. It just wasn't what I wanted to do, and so I transitioned to health coaching and I just I love it, it's fun and it's exciting and I love just the energy and learning about it and it does. It takes time to feel like you're not breaking the rules or doing something wrong or something like you don't have a boss over you know, overseeing you, kind of thing. So it's definitely been an interesting transition going through that. So I love that.

Speaker 2: 34:24

Yeah, I think so many of us are waiting for permission from someone else, like for everything you know, and I think what the feminine metrics does is just it helps you to at least lean into the idea that you can do something your way and it doesn't have to be by anyone else's rules or measurement or anything else.

Speaker 2: 34:45

I think and I do this work for myself too because one of my Achilles heels was thinking that I had to have someone tell me how to do it right, because in the past, there was a specific way to write HTML, there was a specific way that I had to train in the corporate world, and there was always a specific way to do something that you were just constantly learning from a mentor. And now, in the online space, especially now there's such intense freedom and people are succeeding, there's a woman who had a million dollar a month launch and she didn't do a funnel and she didn't do any of the traditional things, and I love seeing examples like that, because we can be really hard on ourselves when we're doing something and it's so misaligned with our energy and how we want to show up that we like. We just need to see more and more examples of people showing up and teaching Like you teach self-care. What is that? Like, yeah, I teach self-care. It's needed and it's amazing. And once you talk about it, they're like oh yeah, I totally get that. But to say like I teach self. And even my husband he's like maybe you should do more business coaching. Entrepreneurs need this. And he says it with love. He's never telling me what to do, but whenever I get frustrated with anything, he's like well, why don't you think about doing that? I'm like no, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I just need to figure out a way that feels more aligned. That's all Right. So we need to teach other people how to coach us, how to mentor us, because we can really need to teach other people how to coach us, how to mentor us, because we can really and I this actually recorded podcast today called self-care. It's well, it's about self-care and relationships. I can't remember the title, but it's really about how we can teach other people around us to treat us and and like even when it comes to asking for what we need, the way we ask for it is very, very important, right, because if we're asking with permission, granting desire that it's not the same as saying like this is what I need, versus can I have this?

Speaker 2: 36:46

Yeah, like, there was a woman in my circle who's now like she's so incredible, now she leads her own circle. This is five years ago, when she first arrived in the circle. Who's now like she's so incredible, now she leads her own circles? This is five years ago, when she first arrived in the circle.

Speaker 2: 36:54

She was telling us a story where she was like I really needed a shower this morning and she just had a baby. And she's like and I went to my husband, I'm like can you just hold him please? I need to go take a shower. He's like no, I got to go, I'm leaving for work. I got to go and she's like, he's such a you know like what the heck I'm like. So let's just take a deep morning, try this Like, bring him the baby and say my love, here's your child, I need to go take a 20 minute shower, I'll be back, yeah.

Speaker 2: 37:28

And she's like oh my God, could I do that? I'm like of course you can do that. Yeah, your child and your husband, like you can say here's your child, I'll be back in 20 minutes. This is what I need now, without making it like complaining just this is what I need. And she said she did it. And he was like okay, like he just literally said okay, when he didn't have an option to say no. He just said okay. And that really started like the beginning of her recognizing where she was giving away her power. Instead of saying this is what I need, not, can you please, because the answer could be no, whereas like no, this is what I need. I'm going to take a bath. You've got dinner. I love you. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 38:09

Yeah, it's almost like it relates back to the mindset shift, or the mindset shift about knowing what you want and your goals, knowing what your vision is, and if you aren't really clear on what you want and what your focus is, you're going to struggle getting in it. Same comes with communicating with people. If you aren't really clear about what you want in return from them, you're going to struggle communicating that with people and they're going to have a hard time understanding you and probably won't reciprocate the way that you would like them to. Totally yeah.

Speaker 2: 38:44

It's like the metaphor of going into a restaurant and saying like I want food, yeah, and the waiter's like, okay, I'll bring you something. You're like I didn't ask for that. Versus saying like I want grilled salmon with mashed potatoes and a mojito Like that's a weird mix, but whatever.

Speaker 1: 39:06

So what are some of the kind of easy ideas you have for women to implement self-care into their life? Especially, we're busy. We used to be on the go, we're still kind of on the go, we have kids, we're working from home, all of these kinds of things. What are some some ideas you have, and maybe things that are even out of the box? You know we talk about massages or hot baths or things like that, but what are things that are, you know, really going to make a lasting change?

Speaker 2: 39:34

Yeah, I think, first and foremost and I've learned this the hard way and the easy way is that you need to give yourself permission to ask yourself what that actually means to you, right? So if you desire a life I think your words were like with more self-care and more space for yourself, right? So what does that actually mean for you? Because, again, this goes back to thinking we need permission from someone else to tell us how we need to structure self-care. And I teach this course called the dream calendar experience, where I'll just share, like the basic of it. For you it's like a two hour workshop, but the basic premise is that you always start, whenever you're planning your week, your business, your family, that there is an actual space on your calendar for you. You know how will you have a vision like you're visualizing, and then someone says don't forget to put yourself in the vision. Oh right, like I didn't want to send all my friends away there, I wanted to go to. Like I'm on the beach in the Costa Rica looking at the ocean. Right, there's my feet. So the same thing when you're creating your vision of your week and how you want to feel that week, you can ask I mean, I have a ton of questions you can ask yourself, but I think the quality of your life is based on the quality of your questions. I think Tony Robbins said that, maybe James Wedmore said it, I don't know. Lots of people say things like that, but it really really is. So if you are planning anything, your day, your week, your month, your year you start with this one layer. The number one layer is always you, and that includes creating intentional space for yourself.

Speaker 2: 41:05

For me, it might look like I like to go for a walk every morning. In the summer. It changes based on seasons too. In the summer, I want to get out early and go for a walk with my dog and have coffee. In the winter, I'm like, no, I'm not going anywhere. So I want my morning time to be on my calendar. I want to be able to. In fact, one of the things I do, one of the tips I teach, is use your phone as a self-care reminder. So for the last 10 years, every day at 11.45, my phone pops up a reminder that I put in it at 11.45, for a reason. It says what's the most nourishing and loving thing you can do for yourself now, because 11.45, for a reason it says what's the most nourishing and loving thing you can do for yourself now, because 11.45 is like that time where I probably have been working for a few hours, I've been sitting for a while. Now is a time that I say am I hungry? Do I need some water? Do I need to get up and walk around or put on some music and move my body? So I put it on the calendar because it automatically pops up, gives me a prompt to do something different.

Speaker 2: 42:01

But when you're planning you would say, like for me, I would say I want my mornings. I want to be able to eat lunch slowly, not in front of the computer, if my husband's schedule is a little funky, but if he's home. I want to have dinner together At least once a week. I want to have a day of like. I don't even look at the computer, I just don't want to look. I to look at the computer, I just don't want to look. I want to be free. I want to be in nature, based on the season, there's my things I want to do.

Speaker 2: 42:24

Back when my son was in school full-time, I always had one day of I call it my self-care Thursdays, which don't happen anymore because we do homeschooling and other things. But it was a day where I would drop him off at school and I mean, I know we're all home now, but we can still find ways to do this, whatever it means to you where I would drop them up at school and I would go take myself out to breakfast with my journal and then I would just choose, like I love freedom. So for me, I wanted a day of like nothing scheduled. I wanted to be able to either meet a friend for coffee or go walk by the water or just like whatever I wanted to do go buy some new lipstick, like it didn't matter what it was. I could have gone for a float or get a massage it was different every week but I knew I had that day where I was just like do whatever I want to do. Then it's actually really important. I know this is like harder in these times, but and I still have a little bit of like looser boundaries around it but it's really important to have committed work time for yourself.

Speaker 2: 43:24

I do have a client right now who's like a writer, but she's not writing. She's like my schedule has gone to shit, like I don't even know when. So the one thing we did was help her sort of reverse engineer things, delegate a few things, say yes to getting help from her in-laws, help watching a kid a day or two, yeah, and we had to think about health and quarantining and all that stuff. So it was really hard, and it is hard for a lot of moms right now because me time is pretty much gone right. Everyone's just always home. So we have to be very, very diligent now to say I'm going upstairs, I'm going for a walk, I'm going to take a bath or like I'm going to be in the other room for a while, don't interrupt me. We just really have to claim it right now.

Speaker 2: 44:08

So just take this with a grain of salt, knowing that we're in a weird time, but in general you still can plan your weeks and your days and your morning. So the biggest thing that would help you is just to block out those times and, as much as you can, treat it like you would if you made plans with your best friend to go to lunch, like, treat it like that, don't let it slide down. Yeah, defend it fiercely and so um, and I love teaching that. I mean, I actually have an upcoming dream calendar session coming soon, I do a mid-year one, which is going to look really different this year. So I'm having to adjust the whole thing because it's very like travel plans, like all of that stuff is all different.

Speaker 2: 44:53

But you know that's the thing we do, is we really get intentional about our time. And the reason that the first layer is you is because then you won't overschedule something over it, right? So the layer of you and then when you get requests for interviews or requests to whatever work things, projects, whatever, you can look at your calendar and say, nope, I can't, I already have something scheduled. Then it's your time. And then the second layer becomes your family, like anniversaries, birthdays, travel plans, all those things that you want to not miss. Because I miss things. I've actually double scheduled coaching calls, I have missed school stuff years ago because I didn't take that intentional time to block it on my calendar. And then I'm very religious now. I do not schedule anything if I don't have my calendar in front of me. So that way it's like it gives you an easy yes or no, because we didn't even talk about boundaries.

Speaker 2: 45:47

But that's what I would do. I would just try to really be intentional about thinking about what would fill you up, what would recharge you, especially now that it's a warm out Nature time is amazing and try to schedule it in, like if you say you're going to go for a walk in the afternoon and shut off your computer and do that walk, you know, don't like keep working saying like I got to go, it's just going to create more stress over time. So that's what I would say is really look at your calendar. It's a tool. For a reason it can help you create boundaries around your time. Plus, like follow your body's desires right now, because if your body's telling you you're done and you still have another hour plan, like be okay with that. You know, just like we were both talking about not waking up to an alarm, sleeping in a little bit later, like we just need a little bit more nourishment right now.

Speaker 1: 46:34

Yeah, yeah, I really. I mean I totally agree. One of the things that was really game changing for me was scheduling everything. I mean I schedule in time with my daughter where it is just our time and it's middle of the week or it might be on the weekend, but you know we have that time and that is her time. She does not get interrupted, kind of thing. I do the same thing. You know. I scheduled breakfast because I am not a huge breakfast fan, but I think it's important for me to nourish my body in the morning and so I have breakfast scheduled on my calendar. So it's, you know, something that I actually sit down and do, and so I totally agree. I think you know we always hear self-care is go get your nails done or go get your hair done or, you know, go get the massage. But the reality is it's really just taking the time to take care of yourself and prioritizing that time.

Speaker 2: 47:25

Yeah, and, like you said, for you it's time with your daughter it's breakfast, I mean. I think that's the key thing is it's going to look different for everyone. But I love what you said and I just hope that people really take that in is that when you schedule that time with your daughter, it's like everything can fall away and you can leave your phone in the other room and it's a really beautiful, centered, quality time and your energy is present, instead of like sort of squeezing it in as you can and your phone. And when you have that present energy and the same goes with your business you know if you schedule this time to write or to create that sales page or whatever it is.

Speaker 2: 48:05

I think this is the one thing that people one of the things that I teach is keeping promises to yourself. Call it a sacred promise. I have a little contract. Yeah, I have a contract that I have you sign in the beginning with yourself, not with me. It's for you, not with me, it's for you.

Speaker 2: 48:19

But it's one of these ideas that you can make a promise to yourself, like whatever, the typical promise to go to the gym, and if you don't do it, it actually chips away at your personal integrity with yourself. And the more you do it, the more you start to disbelieve that you're capable of doing anything else. And it becomes a prism. It becomes well, if I can't do this, how can I start a business? If I can't even do this, how can I ever do that? And it becomes a self-fulfilling loop Instead of understanding the way your mind works, like, again subconscious, it's just a habit. If you're not doing it, it's because you haven't made it a habit yet. That's all it is Right and it doesn't take very it can take. I have a course called 66 Sacred Rituals, because actually it takes 66 days to create a habit for most people. Some people are really good at it and as soon as they say they're doing something, they do it. Other people can take up to 90 days, even 120 days, but the average is around 66. So if you're like, okay, I'm going to be patient with myself, I'm going to start this new habit, but I'm just going to do it like little by little, and if I miss one day, it doesn't mean it's over, it means I just start again. So if you want to do something like, be intentional about it, figure out what you need.

Speaker 2: 49:35

I learned about myself that I like accountability, I like external deadlines. If it's just my own deadline might or might not happen, I don't know. I've had to figure out. For some things it's super easy, I'll do it, no problem. And other things, like writing, it's like it brings up resistance and it brings up stories and it brings up doubts, but that's okay because we're all human. That's why coaches are great. That's why accountability groups are awesome. That's why walking with a friend is perfect, because you're not just going to not show up. If you turn to a friend, you're going to meet her outside of her house to go for a walk. You're not going to be like, yeah, whatever, but with yourself you will do that.

Speaker 1: 50:13

Yeah, and why I loved that you said that? Because the thing that kept running through my mind is that you know we hold ourselves accountable to all of these outside forces, all these outside people, but then we don't hold our own selves accountable. We're we're the first person to break a promise to ourselves and we really have to shift that, that mindset, and start respecting ourselves and our time as much as we would, you know, our best friend or our boss or something like that. You know you show up when you say you're going to show up, even for yourself Exactly, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2: 50:47

And then you don't berate yourself If you don't, you just wonder with curiosity huh, interesting. I wonder what it was about that that made me feel, you know, like I wanted to avoid it. What am I avoiding, right? That's why I'm like the inner self cares. It feels like to me the work we all have to do, because if you're not reflecting on why you're doing something or not doing something, how will you ever know? You just won't know. You'll just go through life and life passes by and I'm sorry to say that, but it's like I just turned 45 and it was like I still feel like I'm in my twenties and I still feel full of possibility and like I'm so excited about life. But I know other people who are not much older or younger than I am and they're just like meh it's too late for me.

Speaker 2: 51:35

I'm too old. I'm too whatever. I'm too fat. I'm too skinny, I'm too whatever. I think that all just comes from a pattern of breaking promises to yourself. That's it. That's all it is. You thought you were going to do things. You never took the risk, you never did it and you're making up a story about it. That's it. That's how simple it is. That's it.

Speaker 1: 51:55

So for somebody that might be someone who's not great at investing in themselves Maybe it's a financial concern, or maybe it's just that they feel like they don't have the time, or whatever what are some suggestions you have for somebody to reframe their approach or rethink what self-care is?

Speaker 2: 52:14

Yeah, I think for that question and I think at every level it's going to bring up a new question. So yeah, it's going to bring up a new question. So like, for example, when I first started out coaching, when I hired a coach and when I had my first client this is 20 years ago I paid my first coach $350, I think, or $300. When my first client asked me how much I charge, that's what popped into my head and I said it with such a straight face. But I had no experience yet. But I remember thinking in that moment I'm like I'm paying, that I can charge for that. It was just this really quick react. I mean I knew how much I was going to say it, but in that moment I was resisting it. So when I said it she was like okay, and then that started my journey around thinking about money. I'm like what if I said 500? What if I said 200? I just thought it was so irrelevant what the number was. To be honest, it was the fact that I thought that I could give her that value. I knew I could and I knew I was paying for it. So I knew that it was possible. It was just my perspective at that point. Now I pay thousands of dollars for coaching and I get paid thousands of dollars for coaching because I've evolved into a different perspective.

Speaker 2: 53:32

So I think, wherever your investment is, some people have a problem spending $25 on lunch, right, some people spend $300 on lunch and don't blink an eye. So I'm saying to you it's irrelevant what the investment is. What's relevant is your thought about the investment in that moment. There are things that you're going to find it very easy and logical to spend money on. Everyone has their own. Other people find it totally irrational to spend $2,000 on a purse. Some people do it, no problem, right Times a month. So again, you have to move yourself away from the idea of the thing and the dollar amount. It's your own perception of the thing and the dollar amount. You have to decide what is valuable for you. I still love a really good sale, but I still sometimes get caught up and when I have to make a big investment, I'm like, oh my God, I don't know what to do. I just have to really physically, emotionally, calm myself down and bring myself into a place of internal processing and figure out what new level am I hitting right now that this is coming up right. So I think investing in yourself time, energy and money are the three different ways you can invest in yourself. It's not just money. So how much time are you investing in nurturing, nourishing your mind, body and your spirit, your soul? How much energy are you investing in doing the things you actually want to do and how much money are you putting behind it?

Speaker 2: 55:00

I think there is transformation in spending money on yourself because it brings up all your stuff, not because it's a certain dollar amount. Like I said, for some people paying $10 for a bag of organic cherries, like I just did, I was like wait a minute, that's $10. That's okay, they're delicious. Maybe at other times in my life I would have been like, holy crap, $10 for cherries, is that how much they cost? Again, it's going to depend on your journey, where you are, all the money stories that you've had told to you, the things that your parents invested in, the things that it's all so complicated seeming, but actually it's very simple because it actually is not. It has nothing to do with a dollar amount. It's your story about the dollar amount. So, for me, if I, if it was me, and I do my own money work, because it's never done like. It's always constantly there and there's not a. I don't think it's a coincidence that so many people have money issues. It's not money, it's it's worth, right, it's worth right, I think, sorry, go ahead.

Speaker 1: 56:04

No, yeah, that's it, Go for it. I think also, too, it's looking at the ROI. So you, you look at, you know I'll use health coaching as an example so you pay a health coach a fee to coach you for, you know, six months or 90 days or whatever the program is, you know, maybe that cost is expensive to you but. But then you really look at the return and it's maybe you're overcoming an autoimmune issue, Maybe you're, you know, coming back from being on, you know, insulin and having diabetes issues, or maybe you're saving off cancer and heart disease or things like that. Like what is the bigger return for that? Self-care? So you know, or that health coach program? So same with you, with self-care, you know what's the return that your client gets. Instead of having chronic stress and depression and feeling just burnt out and miserable the rest of their lives, they can invest in coaching and switch that. And so maybe a couple thousand dollars is nothing in the big picture of changing your life drastically 100%.

Speaker 2: 57:10

So glad you said that. I think the return on investment of whatever you're investing in has to mean something to you, right? So for me, like for me to spend time, energy and money on myself, self-care, the return on investment is I am much more present and balanced and playful with my son. I am much more inspired in my business, I am much more loving and, you know, intimate with my husband. When I feel good, I can start really giving myself that return on investment. Plus, I can get to the financial piece too, because even with that, $10 organic cherries, for me it is very important to have healthy, nutritional food to avoid toxins. So I know that's something that's not available to everyone, but I think everyone at every level could have at least consciousness around it. That's a bigger political conversation. Why, like, no health food stores you know are are not in like poor neighborhood that's? I think that's a really huge, huge issue that I think probably as a health coach you know, at least enters your realm every once in a while. But I think it's it's a huge disservice to humanity. And again, a whole other topic, but again that's like the return on investment of someone who doesn't have resources but goes out of their way to get a resource for themselves because it's important to them, Right? So, like traveling far to go to a different school or whatever it is. So, but yes, exactly what you said, If it's important to you and if you have the outcome that you want.

Speaker 2: 58:38

You know, and it all takes time too, I think, investing in your health and wellness, you know, and I think a lot of people along the way ask, and I probably ask you the same thing is, like you know, how come people change? Or how come people don't change? What do you think is the difference? And for most humanity, for most of us, we don't make a change until we're in pain, right? So, unless you or your loved one is experiencing pain of some kind, maybe a health issue, and then they decide to go take care of themselves or health-wise or eat better, Like it was same thing for me, Like I didn't think about it until I wasn't already in physical pain, right, that was my trigger point.

Speaker 2: 59:18

So I think, I hope that I think and I probably both of us, you know teach and inform and share, so that people can't avoid hitting that wall. But human nature probably says we're not going to change unless we have a reason to change, unless we're being like pulled towards something we really want vision we really want or away from pain, and that's just. It's so human nature. I don't know how to get away from it. It's like it's how we teach, it's how we market our things. It's how we get people's attention. It's how I buy things. Yes, I want the yummy, delicious cherries. I will buy them. No, I do not want the toxins. I will pay more for that. I think it's just that you have to figure it out for yourself. But I think it's so important to figure it out for yourself too.

Speaker 1: 1:00:05

So what are some tips or advice that you have for someone who needs or wants to take care of themselves, but don't really even know where to start?

Speaker 2: 1:00:13

I think going back to what I said, the two things. One is that morning practice, so some simple way of starting your day that sets you up in an intentional way, whether it is, you know, meditation, or movement, or nature, or putting on an inspirational YouTube channel, whatever it is. And then, and more importantly, even than doing it and I don't say that lightly, because it's important to do it, but even more importantly than doing it is noticing the return, noticing how your day changes, noticing oh, look at that, I did this and I felt more motivated and I actually sat down and I wrote a chapter of the book I've been avoiding, or whatever that thing is. Or I called that person I've been avoiding calling because I felt more courageous, or I sent that email and I applied to that podcast, or whatever. That's the one thing. So just do it and then just track it, notice it, treat it like an experiment. And then the other thing I do believe, like we talked about putting yourself on a calendar, and that connection to worth, being worthy of your own time, energy and money is really important, and just understanding that we don't live in a vacuum and that as we start changing, as we start making these changes, it's going to positively. Sometimes it'll challenge people around us, but it will be a positive ripple out. We are here to inspire change, motivate people around us, and we have the capacity to break generational patterns right.

Speaker 2: 1:01:45

So it's really important, I think, for women especially to look back and see what, like I see some women who have examples of these really strong, amazing women in their lives and I'm like, oh, that must be good, like my mom was really really strong and my mom's still alive and she's very, very strong in a lot of ways she really is. She's super smart and wise and all those things. But when it came to self-care and worth, I think I got a lot of that. A lot of the work I do comes from wishing that I had my mom make herself more worthy in her life Right, defeating her and not do it, seeing her be so caregiving that it actually depleted her. So I think I caught that message and thought, nope, not for me. And I'm going to flip it and try to rewrite it. And now she's getting inspired by me, which is really nice. So I think we can break generational patterns forward or backward nice. So I think we can break generational patterns forward or backward right. So she can now with her awareness, now she can look at her mom, who had her own stuff, and say, like with compassion, and that actually ripples back. It actually changes the story of your generational ancestry.

Speaker 2: 1:02:56

So I think and we're getting to a whole like energetic topic here but I think when you do change yourself, it's not just you doing it in a vacuum. You're actually creating ripples in places you might not even imagine, especially if you're then a coach or working with other people or writing or speaking or just living life and being an inspiration to those around you, and they're like oh, you look different. What are you doing? Oh, I'm taking time for myself. Oh, it's so amazing I need to also like I can't even tell you like this has been my life. I just live in that way since I was very little. It's always giving, giving, giving, sharing, and I like it just became so normal for me to hear someone come back and say that thing you said, that thing you did, I'm watching. You inspired me. It's actually one of my main drivers is to help other people transform through being the most me I can be. That part of that is living self-care and not just talking about it but really embodying it.

Speaker 1: 1:03:50

Yeah, yeah, definitely so, elena. I have one more question for you, but before we get to that, where can my listeners connect with you? Where can they find you online?

Speaker 2: 1:04:01

So I'm redoing my website but if you go to elainalipsoncom, it's still there, like I feel valid, everything's still normal. I have a new one coming, but the best place to find everything in one shot is on Instagram. So elainalipson, because there is another, elena Lipson, who you might think is actually kind of eerie because she's also a coach for women's leadership and she lives on the East coast, so it looks sort of similar, but she has a podcast too. It's the weirdest thing, but we're not the same person. So, elena, underscore Lipson Hi, and you'll see me.

Speaker 2: 1:04:34

I'll learn everything in this show, thank you, so that's the best place where you can find the free gifts that you want, thank you, so that's the best place where you can find the free gifts that you want or, if you like, lose a link or whatever, and all my latest podcast episodes and anything I'm up to.

Speaker 1: 1:04:52

I usually share it there Awesome, awesome, okay. So last question what advice do you have for someone who wants to make change either in their life, in their community or the world as a whole, or the world as a whole.

Speaker 2: 1:05:06

The word that pops into my inner screen is just decide, decide. Not only decide to do it, but decide how you want to do it, and I'm big on doing things your own way. Don't do it my way. Don't do it Niko's way. Do it your way. You're inspired to become a health coach Awesome. You're inspired to become a coach or self-care coach Fine. But just really take that time to decide, because I do believe this and I think maybe you can relate.

Speaker 2: 1:05:28

If you're watching someone sew in their gift like a dancer or a singer, there's a part of me that gets really emotional and I used to wonder what that was about. And I think what it's about is watching someone so in their zone of gift that they just become the thing. So I think it takes time to get there. And then the other thing I want to say is it takes time to get there. It's a journey.

Speaker 2: 1:05:52

I've been coaching for 20 years. I've started multiple businesses, I've made massive mistakes, I've biffed it real bad. I've been in debt. I've biffed it real bad, I've been in debt. I've done all the things, and so that's what makes me so clear on knowing when things are a yes and when things are no, because I've been on the side of no. Why did I do that? I knew I shouldn't have done that.

Speaker 2: 1:06:15

So, as you're starting this journey or continuing this journey, just be like I talk about having your inner GPS and your inner compass and have lots of meditations around that on my podcast trusting yourself, trust yourself to make those decisions for yourself, ask for help when you need it and the other biggest thing that please don't feel like you have to do it alone. Find community. That's why I have the circle. I do think doing it in community is so much better for me and for them. I don't want to do it alone. That's why I have the circle. Like, I do think doing it in community is so much better for me and for them. Like I don't want to do it alone. I do, I there's a lot of things I do alone already, like I am a lone wolf, but you know I do, I do. I've learned to ask for help and be in community and it really is a huge, huge difference from doing things in, you know, in a solo way.

Speaker 1: 1:07:02

Absolutely Love it. Thank you so, so much. I just truly have enjoyed our conversation and I'm grateful for all of your wisdom and sharing it with my listeners.

Speaker 2: 1:07:12

Thank you so much. I knew this was a yes, it was one of those things where I'm like I think I want to do this. This is great. So, and I know it really was good, cause I can't remember like 50% of what I said. That's how I know it was good and like something came out. I think it was good. It felt good to say it. So, anyway, thank you so much for having me and I really enjoyed our time together and, yeah, thank you for inspiring a great conversation Awesome, definitely.